Flying Tonite™


Threadbone Airways' budget-price subsidiary fleet operation - Flying Tonite™ - has announced the resumption of flights from its Fromechurch International Aerodrome to a variety of destinations including Burstock, Hilfield, Mosterton, Okeford Fitzpaine and Osmington Mills. The entire fleet of Challenger 300 aeroplanes had been grounded since March of last year following "an issue with a tired and emotional baggage handler, an overwrought celebrity and an unexploded aerated drinks bottle" at County Gates Aerodrome. News of the resumption of service was welcomed by travel agents, tour operators and aerospace executives alike, though booking figures suggest that paying passengers are a tad less entusuiastic and yet to be wholly convinced.



Described by industry insiders as "baby steps" [the average flight time is less than 2 minutes excluding take-off and landing as well, of course, as airport passenger terminal processing measures [approx 4-6 hours], the reinstatement of 10 routes on a twice-weekly basis nonetheless suggests that the Company believes it has turned "a vital corner" in re-establishing a skeleton schedule and with it the travelling public's confidence.


Newly issued social distancing advice for Threadbone Airways pilots is but part of a whole portfolio of measures designed to increase passenger safety and bring back general confidence.

"All of our flights are guaranteed CONTRIK-69 as well as Variant-of-Concern free", says Chief Executive Rünne Waye by way of additional assurance, "not least because, the crew excepted, no one is on any of our planes for long enough to contract anything - excepting perhaps food poisoning if sandwich turnover remains as low as it is currently. Our adoption of Dorset Aviation Authority low altitude contingency flight paths also means we can keep some - especially toilet - windows open throughout the flight". Certainly, other operatrors in the budget flight sector will be hoping that Flying Tonite™ paves the way for a more general revival and possibly longer haul flights to destinations as far as Tadcaster, Frome Vauchurch and Alton St Pancras.



News of Flying Tonite™'s operational restart has had a positive effect on the value of parent company Threadbone Airways' DTSE valuation today, with shares experiencing an unprecedented 0.15% increase from 21p to 21.0000073 per ordinary share in early trading. Stockmarket expert Downers Wellasuppe believes that now might be the right time to take the plunge back into aero-industry shares more generally - "I think they may just take off", he said with a wry smile, "though, as with the ageing Threadbone fleet, you should always be prepared for a bumpy ride followed by the inevitable crash".


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