Free Dial-up For Nearly All
In a move "likely to please the public but confound the corporates", Mr Jermyn Street today announced that, if he wins the DHRA nomination as Ambassador to Cornwall, he will reward his voters with free Threadbone Narrowband Dialup, thereby giving them unprecedentedly slow access to the worldwide interweb*. Speaking to the Sydling St Nicholas Sun, Mr Street said, "access to the wwi should be for the many not the few and its absence is hampering the free flow of disinformation in this county. We want everyone to have equal access to the lies, untruths and opinions masquerading as real news that we choose to put out so that nobody remains unaware of the point of view we want them to adopt". In a hard-hitting response, DHRA Chair Mrs Doris Endersley-Kindersley described the scheme as "monstrous and unaffordable" and Mr Street as "an Opposition leader that even his mother couldn't love". She also accused him of being anti-Swyritic as his proposals explicitly excluded Swyre from the scheme because of its high concentration of Endersley-Kindersley supporters.
*The DHRA is currently under threat of legal action by the All-Dorset Union of Historical Romance Associations [ADUHRA] following its refusal to nominate an ambassador as a result of its stalled Drexit negotiations.
A spokesperson for the Threadbone Corporation - Max Tax-Holiday - described the scheme as "nationalisation under another name" and admitted that the giant multinational had been taken by surprise by the move. He confirmed that it might well "lose several hundreds of pounds in revenues" should the scheme prosper and argued instead that the DHRA should itself fund extensions to the Narrowband DIal-up Service from members' subscriptions. "Only by doubling subscriptions can we ensure that each and every DHRA member waits less than 16 hours at Herston General Hospital's A&E triage circus." The non-debate continues ...