Holy Moly

The Mappowder Mirror highlights the fact that more than just humans are affected when nature "goes wrong".

As parts of the West Country suffer from "the worst flooding in post-biblical times" [Mappowder Mirror]*, environmentalists have claimed it is a result of extreme local climate change [global wetting] occasioned by the opening of the new Threadboneextra in Hurn.

* there are no reliable statistical sources for ascertaining flood levels in biblical and pre-biblical times, though what is believed to have been the rain-gauge used by Noah, together with the remains of a rotten depth-sounding rope were found in a site close to Tarrant Launceston and are now housed in a specially-constructed cabinet in the Stourton Caundle Folk Museum [Ed]. Both indicated the presence of "dampness".

The Jolly Taxpayer, Hurn. Formerly an unremarkably local hostelry it has become embroiled in bitter arguments as its car park serves as a crucible of climate change. In what was described as further evidence of "global pricing", the cost of a pint is rising faster than ever before.

"The concentration of more than 12 cars in the carpark behind The Jolly Taxpayer is almost certainly the reason average temperatures have risen by 12 degrees and more than 2" of additional rainfall has been witnessed this week. Last night alone more rain fell in a single evening than in the whole of the July 12-14th period", explained the University of Apuddle's specialist Professor of Climate Change, schoolgirl Fee Brile. Ms Brile [8] has long argued [about 3 months according to records] that "Human-induced climate change is the biggest threat to our survival as a species since the invention of ring-pull cans on tinned tomatoes and baked beans". NB In the interests of balance and fairness it should be noted that, according to US President Donald Trump, the connection between ring-pull cans and climate change remains "tenuous" ["not clear at all", "highly controversial", "fake news"].

Meanwhile, commuters were faced with long delays as a man broke down and decided to climb onto his vehicle. Police later confirmed that there was nothing wrong with the vehicle but the "gentleman in question" who "had a history of episodically erratic behaviour" had indeed broken-down [completely].