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Home Alone VI: Hot To Trot

Updated: Oct 17, 2019

The front page of today's Sydling St Nicholas Sun, Interest in the love life of Ms Sizemore shows no signs of abating any time soon.

Ask any traveller to the exotic Greek island of Zakynthos for their impressions of this little slice of Paradise and one word will feature time and time again: HOT!

Temperatures certainly soar in the summer months when bikini-clad beauties lounge on its luxurious sandy beaches and only last month forest fires sent the mercury rising even higher. But if all that was HOT, things are about to get a whole lot HOTTER!!

Or so at least opines the Sydling St Nicholas Sun which today reveals that Dorset celebrity and superstar author[ess] [careful - you're on thin ice here [Ed]] Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore is about to jet off to the exclusive resort for a secret tryst with an unknown man. And if that isn't story enough [it's not [Ed]] then how about this "un petit scandale" [or ένα μικρό σκάνδαλο - éna mikró skándalo, as the locals say] for afters?

"Ms Sizemore will be meeting more than just minds, we hope", says Sydling St Nicholas Sun editor Ron Nasty.

According to sources close the Royal Dorset Society for the prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Ms Dorset is leaving her two "beloved" cats Ginger and Pussy at home all alone. [Except, that is, for her housekeeper and the two permanently-employed professional cat babysitters she keeps as her regular backup.] When pressed as to whether they would be making further investigations, a spokesperson for the RDSCPCA, Annie Mal-Wephayre, said "Normally we wouldn't recommend leaving pets alone at home - even cats which are notoriously independent - but since in this case, the owner has left her pussies in the excellent care of a housekeeper and two permanently-employed professional cat babysitters, we are confident that their welfare is not at immediate risk and that they are currently in fairly safe hands". [Doesn't this rather take the gloss off this aspect of the story? [Ed]. Well, the Sydling St Nicholas Sun are still all over it. [SubEd] OK Fair enough but concentrate on the meeting up with the old guy stuff. [Ed] Will do! [SubEd].]

Meanwhile, a trim and already bronzed Ms Sizemore left her piano tutor's house early today [pausing only to drop off her Steinway baby grand at Cornarvin Castle] and headed straight for the airport. It is believed that she will be staying somewhere in the exclusive resort of Kalamaki, her preferred mountain spa destination having been devastated by the recent fires. The crack team of investigative reporters despatched to the island by Sydling St Nicholas Sun editor Ron Nasty will be arriving on a specially chartered Bryanair Flight and hoping that the change of location affords them better opportunities systematically to invade her privacy - "so watch out over the next few days for more exclusive photos - maybe even a few boob shots", says the Sun's local picture editor Telemachus "Tele" Foto. "I have my retractable Bazooker all fired up and ready to go".

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