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It Was Like The Marie Celeste

A crack post-lockdown pre-opening strategic preparation team "parachuted" into the offices normally occupied by the blog team with a view to making it safe for re-occupation have described their "shock" and "surprise" at finding the purpose-designed state-of-the-art facilities at Great Heaving "empty".

DEEPLY SUSPICIOUS: The normally busy Board Room is abnormally quiet.

"We knew they were unoccupied", said a hard-bitten, heavy-anti-bacterial-suited veteran of more than three dozen office re-openings, "but we didn't expect them to be deserted". "It was really eerie" said another, "spookily quiet, yet strangely peaceful, as though no one had been working there for several hours if not several days". Not knowing quite what to expect - the blog simply fell silent several days ago without

Yet another of the harrowing sights which greeted the crack pre-opening preparation team.

warning or explanation - the team of highly experienced professionals were "ready for almost anything. ... but certainly not this". "I think if we had found evidence of recent occupation - half-empty coffee cups, un-emptied waste paper bins, even carelessly discarded Fry's Turkish Delight wrappers - we would have been more able to cope", says expert office sanitiser Sanit Iza, "but the absolute pristine sterility of the scene that greeted us made it somehow worse, as though the staff who would normally be working there were simply no longer present and had just gone home leaving virtually no trace". Visibly shaken, yet clearly trying to come to terms with what she had experienced, another member of the team - Jay Kloth - added "It was as though they had been asked to leave in an orderly fashion, had tidied up their personal spaces and effects and just left the building - and for all we know that might be exactly what happened". "It just doesn't bear thinking about", he concluded.

"It was unreal: as though the people who had once worked here had just gone home" said one hardened but clearly shaken sanitizer.

In the meantime, the absolute "wall of silence" that has faced all inquiries addressed to both parent organisations - the thrupieceorganisation and The Threadbone Corporation - has deepened suspicion regarding the fate of those whose desks now stand so horrifyingly empty and whose computer keyboards remain disturbingly untouched by any human hand.

A spokesperson for the RDC, which has thus far declined to involve itself in any official enquiries, would say only that the force had not been made aware of any suspicious or unusual circumstances surrounding the Great Heaving Enterprise Park and that until and unless credible evidence of wrong doing [ie a failure to self-isolate] comes to light they have neither the concentrated fire-power not the inclination to take action. "As far as we can tell", says Chief Constable Sir Rising Crimewave, "this is simply a case of people taking social-distancing rules seriously and perhaps to an extreme - keeping at least 2 miles apart from both their colleagues and their place of work". "Though I concede that the offices are indeed empty - which is to say well-furnished but devoid of human occupants - we are yet to be convinced that anything is amiss. For all we know, the staff might have made independent but coincidental decisions to go on annual leave and may have left the premises in a predetermined, orderly and CONTRIK-69 compliant fashion".

All illustrations courtesy MTOfficer 'RUs. Not to be attributed - in any circumstances - to the useless bunch of w*****s at the Charles and Maurice MacPro Agency.

Image of either Charles or Maurice MacPro [supplied by the Charles and Maurice MacPro Agency]

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