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Leg Up Or Leg Over?

Ms Legova. The TPO Board denies a rift with the charismatic but unpredictable maestra.

Following a crisis meeting at the TPO, Maestra Irina Legova has been given a "stay of execution" for "an indefinite but not extended period" in order to try and turn around the fortunes of the beleaguered orchestra. In a joint statement, she and the management team said they would "carry on in a spirit of mutual respect and co-operation in the hope that the current situation eases and that Ms Legova can learn to beat time before time beats her".

Seasoned observers of the TPO scene say that this is less than a ringing endorsement of the increasingly beleaguered Chief Conductor. "As Scott said to Oates on reaching the Pole: it's a long way back from here", one suggested.


"We recognise that the last few season's programmes have not drawn the audience or widened the acceptable repertoire in the way in which we had all anticipated. The Board and Management of the TPO wish to express our collective confidence in Ms Legova as well as our determination to support her in her efforts to turn around a very difficult situation. She remains both Chief Conductor and Artistic Director and will continue to take charge of all affairs on the platform. To assist her in her work off the platform we have appointed a Repertoire Manager, a Programmes Director and a Concert Planner to all of whom she will report directly and often. She will be assisted in this task by Maestro Såphpäar O'Hands who will take charge of all rehearsals and the bulk of her scheduled concerts. His reassuring presence on the podium will, we hope, steady the ship as well as the nerves of our sponsors and supporters and allow Ms Legova to spend more time both with her family and on new projects, the first of which we will be excited to announce later this afternoon."



by Sho Boateng, Our Gratuitous Projects Correspondent

"Freed from the daily routine of rehearsing our great orchestra, Ms Legova will enjoy the time and space to concentrate on projects close to her heart. All of which have the full backing of the TPO Board", a terse statement from the TPO's administrative headquarters in Great Heaving informed us this afternoon. Further details came courtesy of the Mappowder Mirror which seems for the time being to have the only inside line into the increasingly paranoid organisation. [It was the Mappowder Mirror which first unearthed the financial crisis at the heart of the TPO's troubles.]



by Plaige Urism, Our Other Newspaper Watching Correspondent

Those wondering what tasks remain within the remit of Ms Legova and her new "blue skies" project team now that she has been relieved of most of the normal functions of a chief conductor and artistic director, were intrigued to hear that her first venture will be into exploring "the interface between art and music and especially between the body and the instrument".

As Ms Legova explained: "Music is great thing. Is not only about sound but about physicality, about vibrations, touching, stroking, blowing, striking; things men they do always great in history. But now many womens is doing the same and we have to know this and understand way in which women's bodies also are like instrument - sensitive, and maybe a little bit dangerous too. Like life, we have to level cricket pitch. This way we make women instrument and instrument women - is like Russian soul I think - ice and fire and maybe sometime vodka too".

EARLY DAYS FOR MS LEGOVA'S PROJECT; Art historian Aulde Masters says the ultimate inspiration [unacknowledged] is probably the artist Sting Ray's early experiments drawing clefs on his housekeeper's torso whenever she had finished the washing up [LEFT]. [MIDDLE] cellist Sam-Ting Betweenmalegs in the early stages of make-up. [RIGHT] The finished product which took hours to accomplish and will take days to wash off.

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