Mourning Becomes Amanda*


* Title by kind permission of publisher Threadbone Plays Inc: "Mourning Becomes Amanda" is a copyright property of TPI and author Eugene O'Kneel.



Once popular amongst cognoscenti, Mr O'Kneel's play is rarely staged today after a successful legal challenge by Mrs Threadbone's lawyers.

As we approach the 15th Anniversary of Mrs Amanda J Threadbone's assumption of responsibility for the thrupieceorganisation's weighty corporate affairs, colleagues are eager to celebrate the CEO, CIO, Chair and President's unprecedented achievements in steering the multi-million pound company towards its current dominance in all of those sectors in which it chooses to compete*. Such has been her impact on the organisation's affairs since taking the helm, that every aspect of its culture and ecosystem is unmistakably stamped with that je ne sais quoi which is the hallmark of its spiritus movens - the marvellous Mrs Amanda J Threadbone herself. As deputy Royston Binstock once observed, the redoubtable Mrs Threadbone still bestrides the Dorset business landscape as "Gulliver bestrode the Lilliputians - though she's better with knots".


* Historical note for the uninformed: Mrs Threadbone took over the reigns of the thrupieceorganisation at a difficult time. Earlier in 2005, Professor Thrupiece had disappeared [and remains "disappeared presumed missing"] from a Swiss hotel bedroom in mysterious circumstances whilst attending the annual RSCBE Culinary Bio-ethics Award Ceremony [the Edna's]. His cousin Mrs Whisky-McNightly had immediately taken charge, acting for the Professor in all personal, business and "other" matters, though the strain of running a multi-million dollar enterprise soon told. Sensibly she called on the services of family friend and near relative Mrs Amanda J Threadbone whose own Threadbone Corporation was beginning to dominate large segments of Dorset, commerce, industry, services and retail. The rest, as they say, is historical conjecture... [For a more detailed narrative, see Mrs Amanda J Threadbone's own account HERE.]


Fifteen years on, the inexorable rise of the thrupieceorganisation, Threadbone Corporation, Hornimint Company and their wholly-owned subsidiaries, shows no signs of reversing and it is with renewed optimism and energy that executives look forward to the end of CONTRIK-69 uncertainties, the removal RDC roadblocks and exponential growth.


Mrs Threadbone shared her husband’s fondness for big jugs.

To celebrate 15 glorious years, Mrs Threadbone has issued two unofficial portraits dating from 2005. In one she is seen attending the Charminster Colossal Ceramics and Big Jugs Society's Annual Porcelain Ball and in the other she is wearing [prematurely as it turned out] mourning attire in homage to the recently disappeared Professor Thrupiece. Several days after the photograph was taken Les autorités suisses issued a statement correcting an earlier announcement that Professor Thrupiece's naked body had been recovered from the Hotel Cornarvin, that a small electrical appliance had been taken to their Geneva laboratories for examination and that a young woman who was "pas mieux qu'elle ne devrait l'être" ["no better than she should be"] was helping them with their inquiries. The corrected statement read: "nous n'avons trouvé aucune personne nue ou semi-nue et n'avons aucune idée de ce qui se passe ... mais nous sommes intéressés par un ensemble de tondeuses nasales électriques récupérées de la scène. Une femme aux seins gros, coques et très attrayants est actuellement en train de divertir les agents de notre centre d'examen" ["we have found no naked or semi-naked persons and haven't a clue what's going on ... but we are interested in a set of electric nasal-clippers recovered from the scene. A woman with large, pert and very appealing breasts is currently entertaining officers at our examination centre"]. In consequence, the mourning portrait has never been seen by the public before.


The much less well-known "mourning" portrait which has never been seen before by the public. Friends say they can understand why.

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