Great Heaving, UK, 07.00 hours GMT: The Threadbone Corporation of Great Heaving has issued the following apology on behalf of its companies, associates, partners, affiliates and wholly owned subsidiaries
"Due to a clerical or technical error which is currently being investigated as a matter of urgency [if it was you be very sure that we are coming for you] yesterday's traditional Christmas Greeting from the Corporation was not issued in a timely manner or on the specific date which our friends, clients and customers are entitled to expect. Though the full outcome of our investigations is yet to be determined and due process has yet to be fully concluded, we are already clear that this unfortunate occurrence is the result of human error and probably that of a single soon to be identified and thence humiliatingly dismissed employee. Mrs Amanda J Threadbone would like to add that she is taking a personal interest in the matter and will not rest until the whole sorry affair is properly put to bed."
As the publication charged with the heavy responsibility of conveying all official Threadbone Corporation announcements to the wider public, we add our own apology to that of the Corporation and publish the intended Christmas Day message below.
We fervently hope that the stunning visual image of the entrance hall to Threadbone Towers in festive garb will go some way towards assuaging the hurt, anxiety and sheer incredulity felt by many as a result of its non-appearance yesterday. Bi-curious readers may be interested to know that the harpist is Delmé Havant-Herts [formerly Dorset multi-title-winning featherweight pugilist Del "Boy" Glove] who normally touches up Mrs Threadbone's knick-knacks, especially when companion and amanuensis Enriqué de los Chicos Perdidos is out foraging. The musically-minded may wish to know, in addition, that Delmé is playing the DHRA's Christmas anthem "Some Day My Prince Will Come [Properly]" in an arrangement by Addinsell Threadbone. His/her/zer instrument is an Erard concert harp made in 1904 for the great French Harpist Twanga Strings