Oat Notso Simple


As though the threat of ever more agonising death from the new Omi'god CONTRIK-69 virus "of even greater concern than the last one of ever-so great concern" variant was not enough, embattled lactose-intollerant consumers have been hit by yet another heath scare courtesy of T&T Foods Ltd.


The shadowy dairy firm whose products, generally speaking, find their way into cut-price cornershops and convenience stores [eg Edna's*] where quality is not the most obvious USP, is no stranger to brushes with the Dorset Food Standards Agency [DFSA]. Only last year its vitamin-enriched, super-organic, Greek-style pro-biotic anti-colesterol yoghurt line [Gud for yer' Guts] fell foul of the regulators after scientists established "beyond peradventure" that the contents of a randomly selected sample proved that it was actually recycled and re-rebranded [and possibly beyond sell-by-date] Waitaminute Basics strawberry faux-crème. An out of court settlement allowed the Company to continue trading, though Gud for yer' Guts quickly disappeared from even the most disreputable 24/7s.


* Check this out - Mrs WHisky-McNightly can be a tad litigation prone and might not takle kindly to the description despite its uindoubted accuracy [Ed]


The T&T Dairies manufacturing plant near Orcombe Point - "not a model regime for hygeine enthusiasts" according to some inspectors.

Yesterday, the company was further ebroiled in what industry expert Jen Uwin-Goodes calls "a complete and shameless scam"; the accusation being that the producers have taken bulk deliveries of non-Dorset-sourced powdered goats milk, added water and passed it off as Grade A oat milk courtesy of a bit of notso smart repackaging. Some medical experts believe that passing off goats milk as oat milk may be "quite dangerous" as well as simply "not on".

Side by Side: [LEFT] M&S's Goats Milk and [RIGHT] T&T's "Oat Milk" which may or may not be what it says on the carton.

Consumer Protection campaigner Wesmie Wrights believes that heads should roll, particularly given the obvious sophistication of the scam which, she suggests, "could take in almost anyone who shouldn't be out on their own". She is particularly concerned that young health-conscious University students will be vulnerable given the perfect storm of "little spare cash after alcohol/drugs purchases, high vulnerability to fadish trends and low overall common sense". She believes that the manufacturers may have deliberately targeted University campuses, though a spokesperson for the University Afpuddle declined to associate a recent upsurge in cases of anaphylactic shock, IBS and spontaneous vomiting with its decision to award a longterm contract to T&T Dairies as part of its newly streamlined Preferential Certified Suppliers Programme. "Even should a plausible causal link be established", Pastha Buckke explained, "there will be no evidence that the product was supplied by us either directly via our state-of-the-art refectory or indirectly via our lucrative on-campus Ednas franchise. Rest assured we will make damned sure of that!"



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