ELECTION SPECIAL REPORT
from Our Own Correspondent: Owen Correspondent
As a consequence of what has generally been seen as the most catastrophic campaign in its [or any other party's] election history Jo Swindon-Town-Footballklubbe's Non-Liberal Non-Democrats have undergone a complete rebranding and wish to be known henceforth [and more grammatically] as the Illiberal Non-Democrats.
A spokesperson for the party said: "we've changed our name and changed our logo and hope that will be enough to expunge unhappy memories and relaunch the party as a serious contender for DHRA government". Asked if the party was about to change its controversial and self-evidently unpopular policies, PR guru Paperin O'Verthekracs, said "we will certainly give that serious consideration once we have identified what they are".
from our Political Correspondent: Polly Tickle-Correspondent
Any hopes that a rebrand by the Non-Liberal Non-Democrats would see the all-new Illiberal Non-Democrats improve their position in the polls were dashed earlier today as voters seem to have given it the thumbs down. Public opinion suggests that voters simply see the rebrand as a rebrand of the same old stuff and have labelled it "just a rebrand of the same old stuff". A party spokesperson denied that, as a result of further focus group meetings, they were considering another rebrand. "there is a danger", one woman said, "that it would be perceived to be just another rebrand of the same old stuff". "Following the recent largely unsuccessful rebrand, the last thing we need is another unsuccessful rebrand". A tearful Ms Jo "Toxic" Swindon-Town-Footballklubbe declined to elaborate further, pending a personal rebrand.
from Our Stop Press Correspondent Stoppe Ress
Illib-Non-Dems to be rebranded Illib-Undems. More to follow ...