Rural Retreat

The recent unrest which has swept the Dorset countryside following Dorset Chancellor -Junior Halifax's [#retailbanking] - unwarranted attack on our noble farmers has led many to lament the passing of a former kinder and more understanding era where rural lives mattered and food security was a major priority. Farmer's leader Jerome Clarkshoes spoke for many during the recent tractor blockade of Bradford Peverellspoke when, echoing the words of the Bishop of Charminster, he described the Chancellor as "a f*****g b***h who knows as much about the countrside as my b*****d f*****g w***e of an aunt who the whole family knew was an ignorant c**k-s*****g c**t".

Little wonder then that many more familiar with wellies than Sketchers and more at home in the field than the metro-center have sought the nostalgic comfort of the past as a balm to the gloomy insistence of the present. It is to such attitudes that Fine Art Dealers and Auctioneers Sotherbone's attribute the steep rise in the value of rural paintings as witnessed at their latest Fontmell Magma Michaelmas sales*.

* Could it be that those anxious to avoid Inheritance Tax are sinking as much capital as possible into non-fungible, but easily transportable assets which can escape the attention of the Exchequer come the day of fiscal reckoning? [Tax Avoidance Editor]

Rural paintings currently command much higher prices whilst those of special interest [such as the above] are now well beyond the reach of the everyday fine art purchaser.

Expected prices were in general exceeded by more than 300% - an uplift witnessed only eight times in the last three years. Described by Sotherbone expert - Oylon Kanvasse - as an "escape to landscapes" he says the average farmer's only obvious alternative is to purchase at least 100,000 acres of high grade solar panels and re-register the family farm a power station. "In this way an agricultural liability becomes an industrial asset and the authorities pay you to grow your own electricity. Add in planning permission for 43,000 homes, stop listening the Archers and tune instead to Coronation Street and your troubles are over."

A spokesperson for the Greater Dorset Authority declined to comment but later issued a statement to the effect that it remains firmly committed to delivering a vibrant agricultural economy commensurate with maximising revenues for essential urban projects.