Size Matters

A new poll out today confirms what almost everyone has has long suspected: in politics as in all things, size matters.

Our Political Editor, Cam Payne-Trayl writes ...

A new poll out today confirms what almost everyone has long suspected - in politics as in all things, size matters.

Put simply the size of your house absolutely determines just how you will vote in the upcoming elections in which the various parties are vying for control of the Dorset Historical Romance Association's Supreme Council. However, in a twist that would certainly have surprised our grandparents, the correlation between house size and voting intention is now the reverse of what it once was. Polster Swing O'Metta says: "By and large in the 1950s, poor people who lived in small houses [characteristically insanitary Victorian back-to-backs in the industrial north or council houses in the south] voted Labour, whilst the Conservative vote was likely to come from the well-to-do typically living, like the DRC Members they elected, in grand houses and even stately homes. Old fashioned Liberals tended to be property owning intellectuals in the leafy suburbs, typically academics with more brains than money and more principles than sense. Happily they were generally irrelevant and, as such, no immediate danger to the public at large"

Today's findings suggest that if you are well below the average wage and live in comparative squalor you will vote Reform or - at a pinch - for a right-wing Conservative candidate, whilst if you are very comfortably off indeed, you can afford to be an Illiberal Non-Democrat, occupying the moral high ground and self-identifying as a righteous prick. The Labour party's supporters typically come somewhere in between and can be spotted in the regenerated and generally très chic areas of our larger conurbations*.

      * there is a smattering of support amongst [a] working folk who haven't yet realised it's no longer 1950 and the party hasn't supported the asperational poor for several decades and [b] vulnerable minorities whose postal vote is hyjacked/dictated by their community leaders .

THAT POLL: the shocking graphic image that "says it all"

In another reversal of fortunes, since the 1950s, the once communist-leaning, unionised and easily-identified placard waving "loony left" has generally given way to the much more dangerous Tesla-owning, junk-mail generating "loony centre" [ie the Illiberal Non-Democrats] who - from the comfort of their ultra-modern environmentally-faultless Scandi-homes can often be spotted installing speed bumps, displaying no-mow signs and waking up each morning wondering who else's innocent pleasure they can demonise, fine and eventually ban**.

** See Wright Up'Ham-Self [2023] "Twenty's Plenty, Make Ten A Pen 'Til Five Arrives: A Short History Of The Rise Of The Local Traffic-Calming Mafia" [Greater Dorset Transport Road Traffic Planning Office