Hot on the heels of the private grief arising from the damage to the iconic portrait of Professor Thrupiece currently under investigation by the RDC, comes news of a wider public embarrassment occasioned by the widespread outage experienced by customers of the Threadbone Narrow-band dial-up Service due to server failures at the power-hub of service main provider Threadbone Communications Inc.
The loss for - in some cases - several minutes of the What'sUpCock messaging service has occasioned much head-scratching and even more customer recrimination. The service is widely used by Dorset's youth for communicating matters of vital importance to friends, eg typically:
Dane: Have you had your tea?
Dane: What did you have?
Stacey: Fish fingers
Dane: I had fishy fingers once
Stacey: I told you Candice was a slut.
Social psychologist Blaym Thesistemme says an interruption to critical teenage exchange of this type is a serious matter and one not without inevitable long-term traumatic effects. "Whilst many of these exchanges may seem trivial, unnecessary, crude, unpleasant and even nauseating, they are all part of the development of a future criminal mentality and without them, potential juvenile delinquents might stay seriously on the rails", he said from his £2,000-per-session [ex VAT] private clinic in Corfe Mullen. Mother of five Ms Shirley Thattes-Quitenough says it is also cruel and stressful to parents who have found themselves having to speak to and with their children during the outage. "Normally they come home from school, stick on the telly and start What'sUpCocking on their phones. I never hear a peep from them 'til bedtime but last night was awful, I had to talk to Jaycie for about 40 seconds and after 10 we'd nothing to say".
Meanwhile, the folks at Threadbone Communications Inc were inundated with complaints overnight from distressed What's UpCockers of all ages. In a statement early this morning, which sought to distance the service from complaints of underinvestment, poor infrastructure and hopeless customer support, a spokesperson for the Company said that the interruption to service was "unforeseen and unforeseeable, being the result of rodent-based activity in the Great Heaving area".
Reacting to the news - in what some have described as a somewhat self-congratulatory tone - Chairmen of the Fountain Pen Association, Mr Inkke-Welles - said that the catastrophic outage had underlined society's fragile dependence on highly vulnerable high-tech solutions to essentially low-tech challenges. "Nothing can interrupt our members' communications", he said, "short of a national ink shortage".
Dorset Authorities have tonight ruled out any intervention in the National Ink Shortage blamed by The National Ink Retailers Association on, DREXIT, CONTIK-69, haulier shortages, antiquated machinery at ink-well drilling facilities and a lack of foresight on the part of those responsible for infrastructure. Reacting to the news - in what some have described as a somewhat self-congratulatory tone - Chairmen of the Propelling Pencil Association, Mr H B Cumberland-Lakeland - said that the catastrophic shortage of fountain-pen ink had underlined society's fragile dependence on highly vulnerable medium-tech solutions to essentially low-tech challenges. "Nothing can interrupt our members' communications", he said, "short of a national graphite shortage".
STOP PRESS II:
Dorset Authorities have tonight ruled out any intervention in the National Graphite Shortage blamed by The National Graphite Retailers Association on ...