The Elephant In The DREXIT Room

Pro-Drexit representatives attending yesterday's Thrupiece International Governance Forum summit in Chetnole, have reacted angrily to comments made by the West Country Union's chief Drexit negotiator Elli-Fante Tüüsk at his post prandial press conference. Showing increasing signs of strain and fighting what aides called "an unusual skin disease which affects his insight", Mr Tüüsk suggested that there was "a special place in Fontmell Magna" for those who wished to leave the Union without paying £740 million pounds per year in perpetuity and clearing all outstanding library fines. "It's like leaving your hotel without paying for the entire contents of the minibar whether you consumed them or not", he added, "or worse, paying for the gym subscription at Threadmills and refusing to take the vegan pro-biotic hypoallergenic protein shakes with you when you leave". Shaking visibly himself and possibly gorsze na drinka* Mr Tüüsk went on to deliver a stinging rebuke to those wishing to secure the free movement of ideas, tides and air currents without "paying the heavy price for which such freedoms were won". "Just look at the Somerset Germans " he said, "they are still paying for a war they didn't start and didn't want in 1939. Why should they pay all over again? I appeal to all reasonable Dorset men and women and say my ears are large and I am listening to any reasonable voices". Mr Tüüsk was then heard to sing "I am saying goodbye to the circus; off I go with a trumpty trump; trump trump trump" in what is thought to be a reference to the President of the United Sates of Cornwall Trump Tawer. Mr Tüüsk was subsequently escorted to his £7,500 pp per night suite.


*The worse for drink


In the meantime representatives from Fontmell Magna attending yesterday's Thrupiece International Governance Forum summit in Chetnole, have reacted angrily to comments made by the West Country Union's chief Drexit negotiator Elli-Fante Tüüsk at his post prandial press conference in which he appeared to suggest that Fontmell Magna was a place easily likened to "hell". Hella Noah, leader of the "Hell NO!" Campaign described Mr Tüüsk as an animal, adding "Fontmell Magna is a marvellous place in which to bring up the dead and is a symbol of what Drexit is all about: bad decision making, bad faith and generally cocking things up big time". [NB This was later corrected to "bringing up children and enjoying the good things in life".]


Critics of the West Country Union's chief DREXIT negotiator Mr Ell-Fante Tüüsk's solidly uncompromising approach to negotiations as "somewhat elephantine".
Critics of the West Country Union's chief DREXIT negotiator Mr Ell-Fante Tüüsk's solidly uncompromising approach to negotiations as "somewhat elephantine".

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