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The Franklycrap Mint

New from commemorative tat producers The Franklycrap Mint comes this unmissable offer: your chance to own one of only 999,999 reproduction post-Coronation portraits of Dorset's famous mediaeval tribal chief: "King" Brian de Batcombe. Timed to coincide with the two month anniversary of the historic crowning of lineal ancestor "King" Charles III of England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and diverse other territories, this once-in-a-lifetime offer is "too good not to ignore" [Dorset Tat Collectors Monthly].

People who live in social housing shouldn't hang pictures, says Dorset Tat Collectors Monthly's reviewer Wyatt Ellie Fante

Beautifully printed on vintage Corfe Mullen racoon-skin parchment and exquisitely framed by a gold painted papier-mâché surround, this attention grabbing adornment will look good in almost any home particularly those where the bar for aesthetic acceptability is notably low.*

* but not necessarily yours if you are the unfortunate occupant of the kind of flimsily-built social housing generally extracted from developers looking for planning approval in green belt areas. In such accommodation walls may be too thin to sustain portrait hanging.

The portrait [or icon] of "King" Brian de Batcombe is by an unknown artist but is generally attributed to the Dorset Monastic School whose most famous exponent was the Abbot of Alton Pancras, Bishop Alton Pancras, later Saint Pancras of Alton. He is not to be confused with the equally monastic but coinsiderably more talented Staffordshire "Rembrandt" - Abbot Towers of Alton later Saint Alton Towers, patron saint of the zippable sickbag.

Not for Everyone: the golden icon is, according to Dorset Tat Collectors Monthly, something of an acquired taste and not fr the aesthetically faint-hearted.

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