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The Ski's The Limit

As the whole of Dorset awoke to a blanket of thick snow thanks to Storm Brian, Storm Edna, Storm Amanda, Storm Irina, Storm Brenda and Storm Audrey, the Dorset public - flush with New Year affluence thanks to sound fiscal governance and the unexpectedly strong performance of the Dorset economy - those with excess pounds in their pockets have found themselves seeking out ways to divest large amounts of cash in as short a period as possible. The answer to their fiscal prayers is, of course, go skiing!

Every piste-artiste knows that by the time you have equipped your family and loved ones with all the necessary gear, booked the hotel, bought the train fares and secured the ski passes [not forgetting to leave enough to cover the gigantic but wholly nunavoidable bar tab at your après-ski bar of choice], you will probably have said goodbye to more than the value of your fashionably large and unfathomably ancient manor house. But that of course is the point. That April tax assessment is only four months away and how else to use up sizeable sums before the Chancellor invites you to part with them on a permanent and less voluntary basis?*

*This article and the advice it contains is based on the assumption that you have already used up all your tax allowances, minimised your exposure to income, capital gains, inheritance, corporation and other applicable liabilities, exhausted the benefits of your off-shore status and taken maximum advantage of high yield investments registered in the Dutch Antilles. Equally, it is assumes that you already have a well-maintained moat, duck house and a small schooner anchored off Great Heaving bay and have claimed the appropriate diospensations for ownership of the same.

According to Which Tax Dodge 2024, taking the family skiing is the easiest and most convenient [a few demented might add most pleasurable] way for the affluent to reduce their exposure to unwelcome tax demands. Second only to buying an ocean-going yacht, no investment is likely to cost more, yield less or better justify your relegation to the ranks of the lower tax band only rates. In short, skiing is fast becoming the go-to ploy for the fnancially prudent Dorset citizen.

St Muscliff - Dorset's most prestigious [ie prohibitively expensive] resort - is now No 1 on many people's post-Christmas / post-New Year "to do list", and hotelliers are taking advantage by offering exclusive packages aimed at those hoping to shed £150,000 or more in a single weekend's slope adventure prior to the end of January . Heading the list of most desireable hotels, The Amanda J Threadbone Regency Resort Complex [A Threadbone-Viking Leisure managed facility], is offering a small room with balcony for a mere £120,000 per night, whilst suites [which acomodate 3] will set you back a cool £400,000. Anyone requiring bigger [and more costly] accommodation should contact the manager [Monsieur Chambre-Séparée] without delay. **

** as well as their Financial Advisor and [possibly] their psychiatrist

A delightful souvenir: ideal as a proof of travel for tax purposes, but potentially destructive if evidence of time spent with someone other than the publicly advertised.

In the meantime, Threadbone Bona Fine Prints Ltd has issued a customisable commemorative poster which anyone lucky enough to make it to St Muscliff this winter should purchase without fail. Not only will it provide a charming memento of time and money well spent, it will also be proof positive [for tax purposes] that that all important cash-consuming vacance was as genuine as it was necessary .*** Touché.

*** Health and Safety Caveat: It is important to remember that should you go skiing without the family, accompanied by [let us say] a "secretary" or "PA", that care is exercised in the purchase - and particularly any subsequent display - of a commemorative poster. Should you have suggested that you were going to Prague on business with Malcolm, gifting the family a poster of St Muscliff with your name and that of the divine Lavinia will not go down well.

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