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Top Notch Top Shelf


One of the iconic images from the new magazine - a bold revisualisation of an ancient Minoan interior.

New from the publishers of Aeroplanes, Women and Tractors Magazine [HERE] comes the all new and possibly more niche Ancient Sites and Modern Boobs Magazine. Designed for the archeologically-minded hobbyist who yet prefers modern to ancient mammaries [surely ancient mariners? [Ed] Actually not [Magazine Ed]], ASMB Magazine is, say parent publishers The Threadbone Press, "just what the doctor (of philosophy) ordered". ASMB Magazine is curated by University of Afpuddle Whisky-McNightly Professor of Antiquities Pyla Stones and Stringbonefellow’s alumna Drusilla Parker-Knowles [née Drusilla Likhtarovich] and is no mere attention seeking smut-fest but rather an esoteric adult journal guaranteed to raise a smile [at the very least] amongst those with a penchant for both natural and, cosmetically-enhanced "artefacts".


ASMB Magazine deploys the latest AI technologies to recontextualise “found objects” and to place them in startlingly new interpretative frames. Early subscriber Seymour Sytzanbrezts says it is a welcome treasure trove for the bi-curious*, filling a much-needed gap in the literature.


* nb this is a reference to bone fide research enthusiasts who do not confine their intellectual curiosity to a single subject. It is not to be confused with an almost identical term which refers to greedy and often indiscriminate heterosexuals who “fancy dabbling in an alternative market" from time to time..


Though the Magazine is not officially endorsed by the University of Afpuddle, that august establishment's long-term absentee Pro-Vice-Chancellor for Education, Research, Sport, Commercial Outreach, Opportunism and On-Campus Betting Grantham Capricorn [last seen in the Dutch Antilles] tweeted his enthusiasm for the new venture as well as his appreciation of the editors’ efforts: #❤️ruinoustits.


Executives at the Press will doubtless be delighted to receive such high level academic endorsement, but will also know that the proof of the pudding lies in the reaction of ordinary** readers.


** Can anyone browsing, let alone subscribing to such a publication be described as ordinary? [Personal Dysfunction and Social Dystopia Ed]


Encouragingly, one such - Weir-Dee Loner - has declared the Magazine "everything I have been looking for since my parents lost me at Stonehenge and I was rescued by a very large-breasted char lady from Middle Beach".

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