Walking In The Footsteps Of The Greats On The Shoulders Of Giants
Ramblers, orienteerers, extreme ironers and even weekend walkers have long sought sanctuary in the outdoors. For many ordinary folk, however, the prospect of more than a few minutes wandering in the thickets of untamed nature - disconnected from the familiar sights, sounds and reassurances of shopping malls, pavement and tarmac - is a daunting prospect; and however strong the instinctive craving for beauty may be, fear, uncertainty and, above all, indolence frequently present an almost unsurmountable barrier to full-on enjoyment of the world au naturelle: a thick web of friction stubbornly esconced between thought and deed.
And yet research suggests that our modern - increasingly vicarious - relationship with nature [too many David Attenboroughs, Escapes to the Countryside and Gerald Durrell repeats] is failing properly to reconnect us with that from which we came - the primitive, organic world of pre-lapsian vegan delight that is our very own unspoilt Dorset; whilst the University of Afpuddle's £200 million research project on Theykind and Nature has definitively proven that more than 5 out of every 10 Dorset residents who could be bothered to respond [sample size = 6] would prefer to spend an hour in the open air than buried in a sealed underground coffin. [Interestingly only 0.02% of respondents voluteered the idea that an ideal weekend would consist of spending more time at home with relatives.] "Food for thought", as lead-researcher Professor Brandon Birchanger-Exchange [the RCBE's Distingished Professor of Behavioural Antics] puts it.
So is it time to "reconnect"; to drink deeply from the furry cup of earthly enchantment; to inhale more fully the perfumed air of naturaliter immortalis? Many think so.
WARNING, the following is an infommercial paid for by The Threadbone Corporation
LIGHTS ALONG [AS WELL AS AT THE END OF] NATURE'S TUNNEL
Feeling hemmed in, lost for somewhere to go to get away from it all - the family, pets and too many disappointing six part THREADFLICKS mini-series included?
Now, thanks to the estimable enterprise of Threadbone Leisure Inc, friction can be a thing of the past. Together with the Dorset Tourist Board, the recreational arm of the giant Threadbone Corporation, the folks at Threadbone Liesure have installed a fully automated self-guided trail through the heart of the Dorset countryside [or Thrupiece Country as the promoters would have it] which opens up its beauties to everyone: including the adled, the lazy, the indigent and - within reason - the poor. For a modest fee [with significant discounts for family and loved ones] almost anyone can now trundle unaided and effort-free through the spectacular landscapes of deepest Dorset, drawing solace, comfort and inspiration from a trail once blazed by Professor Thrupiece himself. As they do so they can remind themselves of a poem much-loved by all those familiar with his Selected Landscape Verse*  [The Threadbone Poetics Volume 1 [The Threadbone Press]].
*I wandered lonely as a man
Who roams alone through trailer parks,
When all at once I saw a tip,
A host, of broken vehicles;
Beside the wall, 'neath old tarpaulin,
The sight of it all was quite appaulin.
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